4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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