We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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