I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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