A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
