this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
