upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
