I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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