Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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