i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
