He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
