You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
