Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
