I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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