based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
