Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
