Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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