we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
