To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
