you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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