So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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