The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
