So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
