Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
