i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
where are my eyebrows?
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