you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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