I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
