I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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