wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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