i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
