Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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