she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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