if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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