dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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