i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
