btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
