i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
