My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize