I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
