Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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