You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
