i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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