It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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