Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
