when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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