I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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