There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
