why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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