She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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