Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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