the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
