He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
