Welp...herpes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
