Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
