i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
