you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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