I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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