i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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