smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
