She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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