When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
