I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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