she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
