My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
