Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
