; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need help removing her.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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