He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
