they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
