allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
