she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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