he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
