I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
