Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
